We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
