sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
