Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
