Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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