so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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