don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
