You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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