is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
