I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You are the jesus of drinking
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
And then the night went full on bisexual.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
