dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
