just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
