I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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