1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
