i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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