you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
