PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
