so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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