i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My dick has a subreddit
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
