Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
