so explain again why im purple
no
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
