Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
