You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
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