i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My ass is underappreciated
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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