Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
