he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
