Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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