i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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