I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
