i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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