Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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