i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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