it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just found puke in my bra..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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