I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
