i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
