So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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