I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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