I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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