she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
