Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
