Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
