Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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