it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
