I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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