I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
