Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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