There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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