Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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