I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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