I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
