I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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