from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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