The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
