Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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