Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He? As in you personified your dick?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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