remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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