Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?