We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
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His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I need moral support for this bender
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
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Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.