Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
