Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.