i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo