Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
