rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
soo... how was my night?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
