Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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