he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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