I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she pinky promised me she was 18
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
