so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
