Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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