I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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