she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The struggles of a small town man whore
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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