I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
