I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
