My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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