I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
