I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
