You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
