This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
