He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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