well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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