What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
