Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
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