I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
