party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
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I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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