she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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