My underwear smells like fireworks.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
