Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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