i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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