Buhtt sex?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
