Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
