we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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