hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You're like the curious george of whores
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
